gray, alexander l. May 4, 2019 13:46:11 GMT -5
Post by Alexander Gray on May 4, 2019 13:46:11 GMT -5
RATED 'M' FOR MATURE TOPICS
(themes of assault and suicide)
ALEXANDER LEE GRAY.
THE REFUSED POKEMON
- Often thought of as being around sixteen years old, Alex looks younger than he is. His face is smooth and slightly rounded, many seeing him as the cute, young brother type. Those who were friends with his parents agree that he looks very similar to his father, a near identical copy. His dark, black hair hangs loosely in a frame around his face, just barely touching his shoulders. His nose is narrow in the same way that his father’s nose was narrow, and even their smiles are exact. Yet, there are still a few small differences between the two of them, with the more obvious one being Alex’s eyes: bright green against a fan of dark lashes.
Alex is typically seen wearing a variety of large sweaters that don’t really fit him all that well. His body underneath them all is of an average shape, just between the lines of petite and large. He weighs about a hundred and ten pounds, any individual trying to lift him up will certainly have no hard time in doing so. He is also just a tad short, standing at 5’2”, though he’s sure that one of his Pokémon – Raijin – does not mind this, as it just means he is closer to give the Luxray as much attention as he deserves. His skin is smooth and nearly perfect, with a light tan in areas that find sunlight. Often covering up his body is a selection of dark clothing, ranging between black skinny jeans (or shorts for some warmer weathers) and dark colored shirts, jackets, and sweaters alike. For a bag, he often carries around a loose, black backpack with several pockets.
Though Alex has never been known to have a fondness for tattoos and piercings, he does have one simple tattoo on the inside of his right forearm, just under the bend. In a small and plain Arial font, the words but it refused can be found on his skin. A once in a lifetime moment, the tattoo is of great importance to him. As well, he wears a very thick leather bracelet on his left wrist, never taking it off for any occasion other than a simple shower.
- MORE OPEN
- GENTLE & CARING
- STILL LEARNING
- EASILY NERVOUS
- INSECURE & ANXIOUS
|During a difficult time in his life, Alex once struggled with letting anyone he cared about or just met get too close to him. It had always seemed easier for him to keep others at a distance, without getting too mixed up in his own emotions and the consequences that they might have had. However, he soon found that as the years passed him, it became easier to for him to befriend others and gain more positive relationships. Since he wants the ability to be more social with others, he forces himself into situations in which interactions are an absolute must.|
Alex has always been a rather studious person; he’s always had his face hidden in a book or has been busy learning something new rather than hanging out with other kids after school. Knowledge was something that had always made him feel proud in what he was doing, though he soon learned that not all knowledge was a good thing. Despite knowing scientific facts about history and Pokemon as a whole, there were other things that he had not yet learned – things that others had to teach him about first, such as love. It is because of those lessons that he continues to educate himself and pushes to becoming more informed of the world around him every day.
Though he had once been controlled by his fears, Alex has found ways to work past the behaviors that he hated the most about himself. After the untimely death of his mother, he began to focus more on his own mental health and well-being. He works himself through his panic attacks and bouts of anxiety, using the breathing techniques and other calming mechanisms that he had learned through therapy. A lot of those fears that he once carried with him are no longer present, having been buried deep into the ground when his mother had passed. However, he can be a little jumpy and nervous at times. Loud noises are a huge shock to him and can cause him to be unfocused and slightly disoriented afterwards. If he believes that a situation may not be going well, he finds himself eager to strip away from his place before it becomes worse.
Compulsive behaviors have seemed to be something that Alex has a hard time controlling. He often jumps ahead before thinking despite his studious attitude. Though he is a scholar, he has never really been able to learn how to properly react to specific situations and conversations, which can make him feel rather unsure and insecure of himself and what other may think of him. It can also feed into his anxiety and he often must take a minute to calm himself down before his anxiety escalates.
Extremely guarded about himself and his past, Alex does not let others into his personal life unless they are someone in which he can absolutely trust. Yet, there are also times when he feels that he is not confident enough to share personal things with close friends, such as the reason he was gone for so long without a single word to Emerson. He tries to keep this part of him hidden, mostly due to the fear of what others may think of him. This can fall apart however when he becomes distracted, slipping up and spilling the secrets that he doesn’t wish to share.
- Within these events are things that Alex rarely speaks of to others and there are very few people who do know about it.
Before his birth, his family setting was not the most healthy. His mother and father would be in constant fights with one another, often leading to an encounter with law enforcement. Though many were certain that they would be done with one another, a few days would pass and the two would be living together once again. This continued on and off between the two of them, to the point that no one bothered trying to get Divya Gray to better herself. Instead, she went on to marry the man - Hiro Shóta - and soon found herself pregnant. Many times, Divya was accused of walking the streets of Hyo City with other men, despite no such things happening. Hiro did not believe the child to be his, often leaving her in a drunken stupor and coming home late with the smell of another woman on him. Divya had began to grow tired of his ways, but by the time she had decided to leave her husband, he had be killed in a drunk driving accident. Alex had been born only a few days prior.
Divya did little to mourn Alex's father and she did even less to keep his memory alive. To this day, Alex has no idea what his father was like, aside from him being a man who simply didn't care enough. He grew up being well loved by his mother and that was enough for him. She would work day and night, multiple jobs, to make sure that he was being provided for and had everything he could possibly want. When he was old enough, she would leave him home alone so that she could stop paying for child care expenses, reminding him nearly every day to "never touch the stove" or "don't open the door for anyone". At the end of a long day, she would find Alex, small and helpless, curled up within a pile of blankets and pillows on the living room floor. He had made an attempt to stay up and wait for her to come home, often times failing. As a reward, she would buy him a gift for being so good.
A starting tradition between the two of them, she would take Alex to a small little shop on the outskirts of Hyo City so that he could pick out a toy. However, he had never been that interested in toys and instead found the books to be more interesting. He had surprised her - he was sure - and she would smile and let him pick out a second book as well. When he continued getting books as a prize for his behavior, she finally decided to take him to the book store instead; a large, three story building fill to the top with books of all kind. It is most certainly one of his more fond memories, to this day he still visits the store with his mother's memory in mind.
As time passed on, Alex was beginning to think that his mother may not be happy. It was nothing that he had done, he was sure of it, but he would notice her watching as couples passed, as if wanting what they had. He was thirteen when he suggested that she find someone, helping her to set up a dating profile and pick out outfits for her dates. When she did find someone, a man named Malcolm he was happy for her but had no idea of the mistake that he had made. Perhaps the argument could be made that his mother's new boyfriend did truly love her. He wasn't so sure that the man had ever liked Alex though, as he was put through a new kind of hell.
The two had been dating for little over a year when things really started to get difficult. At first, Alex had assumed that he was just disliked. Malcolm started off with glaring at him, forgetting about his existence, shoving hard into him during passing. Those shoves escalated into Alex being thrown around, choked and beaten. Yet Malcolm was always careful to never hurt Alex's face, keeping the truth from Divya was easy. He would threaten to have her son killed if Alex were to ever speak of what had been happening. The only time that Malcolm had struck Alex in the face was when he turned sixteen and the other man had had too much to drink, the abuse he was already causing taking an intimate approach. Alex's mother had been out with friends, something she hadn't been able to do in previous years. In that moment, Alex did not care about the possibility of being killed, logical reasoning telling him that someone would be able to stop Malcolm before he could act. But he couldn't do it.
He listened as his mother came home, how happy she had been and how much happier she was to see Malcolm. He couldn't take it away from her and felt selfish for wanting to tell her. When Divya found her son with a busted lip and a swollen cheek, he smiled at her in a calm manner and told her that he had been jumped on the way home from school. Though she worried over the situation and insisted on going in to talk to the school's principle, both Alex and Malcolm insisted that they could handle it and that she should stay home and just relax.
Everything stayed frozen to Alex until the day he finally became an adult. Perhaps it was a motive for him to get away from Malcolm but in the end, it was the safest option. He joined the ranks of Team Plasma, wanting to become a student in the area of science. Most of the Pokemon he had received were from others - a collection of eggs and another gifted to him - while his Shuppet had been given to him by Antoinette. He grew an unbreakable bond with his Luxray - Raijin - as well, who was also extremely protective of his new trainer.
Good choices seemed to be rather difficult for him to come by, as he found himself on the doorstep of Abraham. He thought, for a moment, that he could trust the other man and was blinded by what he thought he was feeling. Wanting to do anything for the person he thought he loved, he assisted him in kidnapped Liliana Rose, using his Luxray's thunder attack to knock her out (an 'accident' to their battle). Eventually, the girl was experimented on, Alex watching at the side lines and beginning to question everything he had done to that point. It was a few days after that in which, during his process of thinking things over, he had run into Emerson Greene in a cafe.
The two got to know more about each other and even more so afterwards when Emerson came to work with Abraham. For Alex, the rest of that had been blurry, but he could remember how much it hurt to find out that Abe had left. To help him through all of that was Emerson and they began a relationship together, starting off slowly. There were a few dates, such as the carnival, and there was the event held for all Plasma members, though the Resistance made sure to crash it. His time with Emerson was always good memories and he was sure that he had found the right feelings of love for him. Everything was going well until he received a phone call from family: his mother had passed away.
He attended the funeral alone, believing that he would be able to handle whatever would await him there. He had yet to break down, almost like he couldn't believe that she had passed. Instead, he felt a need to get it over with, in turn causing him anxiety. Did it mean that he hadn't cared about her? Even during the funeral, walking up to her coffin and seeing her body there, didn't stir anything in him. All he could think about was how peaceful she appeared. He avoided Malcolm the entire time, keeping a distance and ensuring that he wasn't left in a room alone with him. However, once he left the funeral, he felt a weight of emotions that he didn't know he was holding back begin to fall on him. He locked himself up into his hotel room, breaking down instantly in front of the door. His phone rang several times, he could remember that, but he didn't answer it. Even though someone was trying to reach him, he felt alone in the world without his mother. Depression struck him hard, his anxiety reaching deeper than it had ever done so before. After hours of crying and debating, he decided to cut his left wrist in an attempt to take his life. The phone rang again and when Alex looked to see who it was - deciding that it wouldn't matter if he looked - the picture of a particular blond showed up as the contact screen.
Emerson was calling him, and there had been several calls from him. Alex felt suddenly sick, realizing that he still had someone to live for, quickly hanging up the incoming call to dial 911. He should have contacted Emerson somehow after that moment, but couldn't bring himself to do it. Would Emerson understand? Be disappointed in him? He felt horrible about just up and leaving him like that, but it was something that he needed to do in that moment. He willingly admitted himself to the hospital (his Pokemon were taken away to a care facility for his own safety) and when they asked for his name, he gave them the last name Gray, the maiden name of his mother.
Alex began down the road to recovery. For months, he worked with others to keep himself - and others like him at the facility - going. He sat in during talk sessions, often saw his therapist, and worked on methods to bring down his anxiety and keep his thoughts in check. Eventually, the worker keeping up on his case informed him that he could be released and no longer needed to stay. He was given the option to take medication, to which he declined, but he did take up the offer to continue to see a therapist. It was nerve wrecking, the idea of jumping back into society. He picked up his Pokemon from the care facility, every one of them eager to see him - Raijin seemingly more protective of him than ever before. As he was walking around Hyo City, trying to find the courage to go straight back home to Emerson, he noticed a tattoo shop that was having a deal on tattoos ("$5 small tattoos" on a window sign). Though he was never a big fan of such things, he did get a small tattoo to remind himself that he could stay strong, despite what tomorrow might hold for him. The words but it refused was placed just under the inner bend of his arm, a symbol of how his heart refused to give up through all his years of abuse and the days after that when he was brought down to his lowest point.
Now, he is following the path back to home, unsure of what awaits him beyond that. He's scared, of course, but if therapy has taught him anything, it is that he must face his fears at his own pace.
|DREAMY||[b]LOVELESS[/b] – ritsuka aoyagi, [i]alexander lee gray[/i]|